My Two Cents

My, my! Where to begin? Do I start off with the incredible story of one man’s failed suicide attempt, despite having nail-gunned 12 nails into his skull (“‘No one before is known to have survived after intentionally firing so many foreign objects into the head,’ according to the report.”), or something more absurd, like Tony Blair’s wife, Cherie, and her $13,700 hairstyling bill for last month alone (“So what? Mrs. Blair has worked fantastically hard during the election.”). Maybe I should tell a naked story, like the one about the carpenter who was found working in the nude by a homeowner (“[He] said Thursday that working au naturel gave him a better range of motion.”), or the one about the guy stuck for 5 hours in his step-mother’s chimney, naked (“He tells us he took his clothes off because there would be less friction going down the chute.”).

I’m not making these up, people!

No, I’ve chosen to tell you about something a little closer to my heart: the importance of junk food access at any hour of the day and night. How many times have I myself longed for some sort of ice-cream delivery service? Let’s just say I should have put the idea to work before Matthew Mandell did.

Yep, if you live within 1 mile of the White House, give or take, you can place orders for more than 800 products every night of the week, sometimes as late as 4:00 AM, thanks to DCSnacks, the brainchild of GW University grad Mandell. And by products I mean Ben & Jerry’s, Gatorade, Funyuns, Hot Pockets, beef jerky, Red Bull…you crave it, he’s got it. And even better, he can bring it to your doorstep in about 20 minutes.

Naturally, I don’t think I would rely on the service as much as Rashid al-Khalifa: “For two years, [he] has ordered almost every night -- chicken potpie, Gatorade, lasagna, whatever. He often has guests in his apartment, and a man's got to play host.” I mean, grocery stores were invented for a reason. But I think Adam’s testimonial on the DCSnacks website best summarizes why Mandell’s business is sure to thrive: “My lifestyle is supported by your convenience!”